Posted by
Icarus on Wednesday, November 22, 2006 4:46:44 PM
As much as I would like to take credit for this, I can't. It came to me via a friend at work. Enjoy.
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out
in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the
group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray
to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim
in an interview with Dan Rather that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay
his "fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is
fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and having
nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel
of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
recipients. The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the
grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government
house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around
him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't vote for Liberals